Monday, January 02, 2006
dreams. let go.
hey guys :) happy new yr! wanted to blog this like on sat, but i cldnt sort my thoughts out enuff, so i didnt.. well now, here it is:
was just listening to the Disney collection of songs, and this caught me: in dreams you’ll lose your heartache.. is it true? how many times is your dreams give you a heartache?
how do you define ‘dream’? isn’t it smth you cant get? if not, y call it a dream, not reality? if you are ultimately gg to get it, why call it a dream, a wish?
isn’t there such a thing as ‘wishful thinking’?
you hope, you dream, you wish when you are not sure whether you’ll get tt you are hoping/dreaming/wishing for, or you know you’ll not get that. you don’t say ‘i wish i were there’ if you alrdy are there. rite?
and isn’t by dwelling on it, dreaming, wishing, hoping abt it just make your heart break or ache even more? since you wont get it?
dictionary.com defines a dream as ‘wild fancy or hope’. so is it still worthwhile to have a dream?
tt definition linked to the song’s first line: a dream is a wish your heart makes, when you’re fast asleep. okay i believe when e song was written, being a notable song for cinderella, it was meant to mean physically fast asleep; but now thinking again, isn’t it possible it was used metaphorically?
as in, oblivious to e surroundings? or oblivious to reality?
indeed, dreams can also be defined as aspirations, but aspirations can be fulfilled! i mean, you don’t say you dream to be a scientist, you aspire to be one.
the rest of the song: have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling thru, no matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, e dream tt you wish will come true.
as mentioned, why have faith in something tt will never happen? and isn’t by keep on believing in smth tt wont happen or you’ll never get tt makes you grieve even more?
okay okay.
i’m biased.
coz now a major dream seems to be unable to be fulfilled (hmmm am i making sense?). i’ve always been a person who sets goals instead of dreams. i want As, i work for them, i don’t dream of [getting] them. and now when i allowed my mind to dream of something, POP like a burst balloon it well.. bursts and shatters into many pieces.
it gave me a heartache, not make me lose it.
coz now, i know quite certainly, it will not come true. and it really breaks my heart, it hurts to even think of it.
unless a miracle..
no, i’ve stopped believing in miracles (nora, a doll’s house)
i donno.. it’s like you really hope tt a miracle will actually happen! but yet u’re quite sure it’ll nv happen, or u just don’t want to get ur hopes up.
i love songs tt make me cry or emotions well up. somehow. weird huh.
i was listening to mulan’s ‘reflections’ by christina aguilera. tt song makes me want to dance and cry at e same time. somehow.
look at me, i will never pass for a perfect bride, or a perfect daughter
can it be, i’m not meant to play this part..
now i see that if i were truly to be myself, i would break my family’s heart.
[chorus]
who is tt girl i see, staring straight back at me
why is my reflection someone i don’t know?
somehow i cannot hide, who i am, though i’ve tried
when will my reflection show, who i am, inside?
i love e chorus best.. it’s really wat i do feel.. like how come i don’t know myself at all? who is tt girl facing me?
haha. okay i just babbled out some nonsense. i’m sorry if all e above didn’t make sense.
but i’m listening to this song ‘在祢手中’ by this Taiwanese group ‘joshua’. really nice. like Lord, i’m willing to put my heart totally into Your hands, and there may be things i have wanted, or am clinging on, or hurting me, but You are teaching me slowly, to learn how to let go. and now i’m different, my life is Yours, not mine, and may i be Your instrument.
it’s hard. as mentioned, i’m bitter abt dreams. like my dreams were shattered, aft i had ‘ke wang’-ed for so long. but God has reminded me that He is the one who gives and takes back, in His perfect time. it may not make sense to me, esp now since it totally doesn’t coincide wif my plans. but i’m only human, His wisdom transcends and far surpasses me.
like the song said, yes, there may be things tt i wanted, but Lord, You want to teach me how to let go, and thrust my life into Your hands, because any plan outside of Yours, will just bring and end in disaster.
it’s not easy. it’s very hard. it’s just so hard to fang shou. to actually entrust myself entirely to Him. i’m a person who kinds of like to work for wat i want, and to tell me to let go, though it’s hurting, it’s so hard.
but Lord, remind me, my life belongs to You, not me, and let me be willing to be Your instrument, and not e other way round.
i love this song.
甘愿成为祢手中美好的工作。
xiao jo
@ 1:20 AM
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